Posts tagged abuse

India. Cry my beloved Country.

All this while I was trying to be polite and say ‘mindsets’ should be changed, mothers are to be blamed; but the sad truth is, the men mentality needs to be changed. Mothers follow the age old custom. Men control and mothers-in-law control even more.

But rape is now the everyday story. With 70% or rapes not being reported. Society and law and police make the woman suffer even more than the actual act. Nirbhaya awakened the need for safety, but also made men realise that they can go free and dance triumphantly. When lawyers support curtailing women, what can one do?

I say castrate the rapists. Make them suffer.

Burn their bodies in 60% burns. Make them suffer.

Douse the fires and leave them to fend for themselves. Make them suffer.

A stronger law should be enforced. And enforced is the operative word. Strict enforcement. Not just mere words.

I have been at the receiving end of cat-calls, yes that was the term used then, I had priests, boys who are now priests, or have wives who are priests, scar me with their sexist statements. (Come to think of it, they had no sisters). To be asked for ‘favours’ to have your brother clear papers is just appalling. And yes it happens in Mumbai. Innocence is aggressively lost.

Yes they are real. My breasts are real; they have been so since I was 12. Breast augmentation was not done in the mid ‘80s in India. At 16, no one does plastic surgery on their breasts. I hated my body. And at 40 for another priest to pass sexist statements, makes me want to hate those people. Body structure is genetic, or ‘god’ given, if you must. As much as I think I am over it, it surfaces. My hope, Karma will deal with these people.

So when I spout ire at Indian men, it is because I have been there!

So yes, suffering to them men.

Emotional scarring can be forgotten or repressed, but emotional pain surfaces. Rape is like a new fad in this country. All because these men know they will get away with it. And men get away with it!

I always maintained Mumbai was safe. You have to learn to value the sanctity of a woman, whether unborn, in the womb, or 3, or 72. What is the sense of praying to Durga, when her daughters in Kolkatta are brutalised; or to Laxmi or Saraswati when teaching and learning is levelled for a woman and hence financial independence is lost.

We are being shamed at international levels. I am hurt. India is now the rape capital of the world. India is now the religious intolerant country of the world. Is this the land of Ashoka? And Chanakya? And the Mauriyas? Or Akbar? Of Gandhi? Of non violence. Of secularism. Of freedom!

I wish gods were real, so they could strike these perpetrators of idiocy.

How can I do something!

How can we do something?

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I can fade into the night

I can fade into the night, very easily.

It is the point when I just don’t care about you, or about things. I have been down the crabby path, and I know what it is like. I have been there, done that, laughed through it all and you haven’t seen my fears, or realised my darkness, or read it through my eyes. My eyes do more talking than my laugh, which smiles and bears it all.

Do you really know me?

I will make time for you. I will do things for you. It is just the way I am. Helpful, to the point of being used. That’s how I feel sometimes. I will agree to meet you, shower my hospitality on you. Have my place calm and inspire you. Just don’t abuse my nicety. When I say ‘no’ you will finally realise, if at all. All promises. All excuses. All hurt. I have waited. After all, my name means ‘patience’.

Really, do you know me?

Is it you ego? Is it your insecurity? Are you human enough? Or are you just a chauvinist who thinks only of yourself. Am I your gilded bird?

When I let go… When will I let go?

Do you know how much it hurts to let you go? You pushed me away. If you don’t want my presence, I will acknowledge your wishes. Can’t; won’t be the golden doormat anymore.

When I let go, I. Let. Go.

I will miss you. Or will I?

Memories fade eventually.

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Rape.

Why do men do it? Don’t they know they came from a woman? Don’t they have a mother or sisters? What is it that drives men to pounce on women? Anyway I’m not interested in knowing the reasons from the men. What I am interested is in punishment for these low life curs. And that is insulting to the dogs.

The rape and death of Nirbhaya is a blot on our souls. A blot on the Indian Constitution. A terrible blot on all the women in power in the New Delhi. India is now the nation where girls are neither safe inside the womb nor outside. And then there are prayers to the goddesses. What a sham!

I am serious about rape. Physical assault is a heinous crime. And in my exalted humble opinion the Muslim countries got the punishment right. Immediate death to the B@$t@rds. The so-called ‘educated’ countries dilly dally on the punishment for so long that it is not deterrent enough for the crime.

My ideal punishment would be to castrate these men. Publish their pictures, and of their families and socially ostracize them. And I think now the ideal punishment should be castration of the criminal PLUS another from their family, an immediate male blood relative.

Abuse lasts. It messes up your mind. It makes you doubt your capabilities. And even 40 years later you are scarred.

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Live a life!

A decade ago, I was at a large IT company. At increment time, one section decides to give a raise to everyone, except two girls; the reasoning- “you are South Bombay girls, you two are single, you don’t need the money.” Such is the respect that we, as independent career women, get in the market place.

Another place I worked at, had the men intimidated by our knowledge and professionalism, and that we can handle just about anything under stress. So we got pulled up because the photographs of an outdoor event were too bright and sharp, because the frigging Indian summer sun is too bright and sharp, you dumbhead, and I am not a photographer who knows how to control these things!

It is always said that the boss makes the company, and people stay in or leave their jobs not merely for the money, but because of the immediate supervisor.

So when a friend has his boss tell him that he “had more money than he could spend’, it raises old issues. What gives a boss the right to abuse? This borders on harassment. India has no laws, or dormant laws, to counteract harassment. If any legal action was to be taken, it would take years.

Another very close person I know, has gone grey because of the incompetency of his new boss. An international respected company; (in the Forbes Top 5 global companies worldwide) his new boss does not know her products and makes a fool of herself at meetings, and this chap faces the brunt, on the bottomline. She is a scathing proof of women who sleep to get ahead, in some Indian companies. Though she is pulled up by the international counterparts, one leg in the east and the other in the west can take you only so far! I am ashamed of women like this!

So what gives the bosses the right to cast aspersions on your integrity and knowledge? You have earned the right to be counted as a professional; you have spent years, not to mention money, on education. Is it just the insecurities of the immediate superiors? One company thought I was buying out the company! Ill mannered and uncouth, is it just the egos at play?

Secondly what is HR doing? Most HR departments assume their job stops at the hiring stage. Most HR personnel are themselves incompetent. Most HR are subdued by the owner/superior/supervisor. What suffers at the end is the name of the company, and the employee morale.

Sometimes, we as employees shut up and suck it because we need the money. But at what cost. Isn’t health more important? Leave the b@$t@rd$ and get on with life!

Life is for the living! Live it. Let Karma do the rest. And she does! Send out positive thoughts to the Universe.

Love and light on all!

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